Glutonny

I am at a point where I believe I am eating myself to glutonny. I feel awful and disgusting. I have my next feel this week, but my weightloss has really slowed down. Well, not slowed down, but I have lost some and gained them all back! :(( That's about 1.5 kg off and then back on again. I feel some restriction but it just doesn't seem to stop me. I'm scared I'm going to do something to my band.

To be honest I am no where near eating as much as before the band, but I know that I eat more than I should be! I am going to see a dietician too this week. So I will see how it goes... Hopefully it will help me get some things straight. I'm sure I'm doing something I shouldn't to be able to get down so much.

I feel ewwww about myself right now :(

Progess Photos - March 2010

Okay we are now in Apil, but I haven't been able to upload the photo during March - they were taken in March, so it don't matter! :))

The photos were taken during a girls getaway at Daylesford, so they are not the "standard" progress photos, but they will do I guess. :) So let's get cookin'! :)

Well, this one is a cheeky shot that hides most things unpleasant lol

At approximately 129.4 kg in all these photos. So that's a little over 13 kg lost post op, and lost forever I hope! :)

I'm a poser even at this weight, I have no idea what will become of me when I lose all the weight :) I know it's a little hard to tell with the long cardi, but I'm starting to get a waist. I haven't had that in years! :)

And a close-up! Even though I have now lost a little over 13 kg post op, almost everybody is noticing the loss. 13kg loss doesn't look much on a person who was over 140 kg to start with, but it sure makes a difference. My face has slimmed down the most as you can see in the above photo. My legs are most obviously slimmer and my arms compared to everywhere else on my body. I can wait for future pogress to take place woohooo! :))

Fills

I had my first fill and went up to 4ml about 4 weeks ago. It really did nothing for me and I've been very upset that I can eat huge meals despite the band! I was then at the doctors for my second fill just last week. Doc added another ml which brought me up to 5ml in my band. I have no idea what type of band I have, but even though I can feel a little more restriction than I ever did before, I can still eat a full meal if I push myself!

I am very grateful to have my third fill this afternoon! I think I will finally be able to reach that "sweet spot". Oh how I long to feel it! I have never really been a big eater. My problem has always been eating the wrong food at the wrong time, and not eating regularly. However, I can't get over how obsessed I now am with food.. more than I have ever been in my life! And since I can still eat due to insufficient fill, I do eat! :( Ahh it's just playing with my mind. "You can still eat, so go for it while you can!"

I have been losing just about 1 kg per week. I am pretty happy and proud about this, but I have been working out 4-5 times a week and at least 3 of those days consists of rigorous cardio workouts. Maybe if I wasn't able to eat this much, I might end up losing faster since I am quite committed to regular exercise. Well, we will just have too wait and see. I will be posting up latest photos today or tomorrow.

I still don't feel the full effect of having the lapband, so I am really looking forward to it despite how difficult it may be. I want to feel it! :))

Compliments

Compliments!.. Don't they just get you even more hyped up and enthusiastic on your weightloss?

There are some people in my extended family or my mum's friends who expect you to be literally "skinny" in 3-4 weeks. OR, before they can "SEE" any progress you need to be able to fit into a size 12-14. They make me so mad! They struggle to lose 1-2 kg in a year since they are close to their ideal weight, but they expect the next person to lose 70 or so kilos in around 4-5 weeks. So they wont even compliment you and refuse to see that you are changing.

Then there are those who will compliment your progress and tell you how great you look every week when they see you.

I have a friend who has been telling me she can notice me changing every week. We see each other once a week. There is also someone else who is the same. These people seriously make my day. I mean I really don't want anyone telling me there is any difference when there isn't. However, when I notice the change, and someone else compliments around the same time, this just confirms to me that I am not imagining things or seeing things the way I want them to be.

I really don't have anything to compare to in measurements, but I can definitely see change in my arms, legs, and face even though it has only been 4 weeks and a little over 8 kg down post-op.

I can't wait until the end of next month to take photos and weigh-in. :) Oh, and I am really going to try hard not to weigh myself for at least another two weeks. I will die from curiosity as I will wonder if I have gained/lost or have made no change at all. :) I promise, I will not do it two times every day like I used to. :)

Cheers :)

Progress Photos - February 2010

Okay I know I should actually wait until Saturday to photograph for the actual 4 week progress or even until Monday the 22nd of February to have a full 1 month cycle, BUT I couldn't wait, and most importantly I don't really have the time after today. I didn't want to let it pass. I really want to monitor my own progress on a regular basis. So I will try to stick to dates.

I have not decided whether I will do the next photo/progress post at 8 weeks or full 2 months (22nd of March 2010). We'll see. There is still time for that.

I will need to put the measurements up within the next couple of days. Can't find the measuring tape, argh!

I can't really tell if I have progressed in terms of looks, because I do have photos in one of my previous posts from 2008 where I weighed around 135 kg. So I don't think I look too different compared to that. I wish I had taken full body photos before the operation. Damn!

Anyways, I guess I will have to wait until the next progress photo to see if there is any difference. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and need to keep my body busy busy busy. :)

Scale Hopper

I would like to believe that I am not the only scale jumper. :)

Interesting how we like to keep away from the scales when we know we must be gaining weight, and how we can't keep our hands off it once we put the effort into weight loss.

I for one could not step off the scales in the first 2 weeks! Especially since I almost lost 1 kg per day in the first week. Week 2 was agonising as I probably only lost around 200 grams. It was after the 2nd week that I decided I will not weigh myself before the end of week 3. I also weighed myself yesterday (as noted in previous post) since my doctor did not weigh me.

I am going to weigh myself once more this week (on Friday), then measure myself (I haven't done this at all - the only measurements are the ones the nurse has from my initial weigh-in at my first appointment with my doctor, and I don't have those), and take photos.

I may not be successful at doing this only once every month, but I will try hard not to weigh myself more than two times in a month... except for this month! Remember, I didn't get my fill yet? I will weigh myself at my fill within 1-2 weeks, but I might not record it here. :)

Hmm, I think that will work well. Weigh, measure, and photograph once per month around the 20th-23rd of each month! Yep, I like the idea. I have to work on my will power, because weighing myself so frequently and not seeing any results on the scales is messing up with my mind.

Okay, that's all I have to say for now. Current photos coming soon! :)

First Post-Op Appointment

I was supposed to have my first fill today, but it didn't work. Not happy Jan!!!

After driving up for over an hour to my doctor's clinic, it just didn't happen. At first my doc said it might be too early and tender for my first fill, but he gave it a try. After twisting and turning the syringe in my tummy to find the port, unfortunately he was unsuccessful. He gave me another doctor's name and number for my first fill. Apparently she is the best at fills. I actually thought wtf?! However, I need to make an appointment to get my first fill within 1-2 weeks. I will be making the call tomorrow morning and hopefully I can get an appointment for next week.

I am a little disappointed as I was looking forward to feeling some restriction. Even though it felt disgusting and I was about to chuck up into my doctor's lap while I could feel the syringe jabbing into my band, it would have been worth it if I had gotten my fill. Anyhow, I guess everything happens for a reason. So another week or two... Patience!

He didn't weigh me, but I weighed myself just minutes ago. I now weigh 134.5 kg. That is a weight loss of 8.3 kg in 3.5 weeks. I think that's great, but I feel a little discouraged when I think about my sister's weight loss of 20 kg per month for two months in a row. She lost 40 kg in 2 months. Amazing ha? Apparently her case is a record. She was banded in October 2009. She has a lot more to lose than me, and her band was filled a little during operation. Although, I am aware that 8 kg in just a little over 3 weeks is a good result. But you know how it is, you want that extra boost in the first month. I was hoping to be able to lose approx. 15 kg in the first month (after seeng my sister's results). I have been working out so much over the last 2.5 weeks. I guess I will see the results in the near future. As long as it's all weightloss from here onwards.... That is the most important thing. I am very happy to know that I will not go on the scales the next month wondering how much weight I gained!

I'm still new, but I already heart my lap-band!