Very very very tight!

The past week and a half has been dreadful.

I am not happy at all with my move to Sydney. It has just been too difficult: financially and emotionally.

All I want at the moment is to get out of here... but I know I can't, so I have to come to terms with all this.

The past week and a half my band has been extremely tight. Just like that! I haven't had any fills or anything. Just woke up one morning and couldn't even get water down. Anything I put in my mouth, I had to bring up myself, otherwise the pain in my chest and back wouldn't go away and I couldn't breathe.

Moving states means changing doctors for adjustments and consultations.

So I had all my files and reports faxed tot he O Clinic... Up until now, I would see my doctor once every fortnight if I had problems... and when I had no problems I would just go every 5-6 weeks. I was bulk billed and never paid anything since my surgery.

However, now I am going to pay $250 per appointment, and I will be getting just under $100 back from Medicare. I don't know if any other doctor does bulk billing, but I so need it at the moment! I have actually heard a lot of wonderful things about Dr. Craig Taylor (O Clinic), but when you can't afford it, you just can't afford it!

So last week I was in excruciating pain and couldn't breathe properly. I called the clinic and the doctor was not available and of course there was a fee... but the thing is, I had no money at all other than the $20-$30 I could use to put petrol in the car to drive up there (no job, no centrelink, had to wait for hubby's salary to come in the next week).

They suggested I go to St George Hospital Emergency... I was told they had bariatrics there and they could do the adjustment. I waited in pain and tears for hubby to come home from work. Went to the hospital. Waited for hours (naturally! emergency! ironic). Then all they did was give me a drip because I must have lost a lot of nutrients etc and asked me to wait till morning and maybe a surgeon might come along after their surgeries. The other doctors just did not know what to do. All they did was attempt to take blood samples from me, but they couldn't get any out. I told them I was anemic, and they kept on trying to get out whatever tiny amount of blood I had left. LOL

OMG! I lay there freezing (I'm anemic so I just can't warm up easily, and with no food in my system, it was impossible). Then I had a drunken man in the next bed who kept on coming over me and staring at me. He was constantly shouting and swearing. Igh! It was horrible. So I just signed the forms and asked to leave.

So this afternoon I finally have my first appointment at the O Clinic. However, I believe it may be a little late as I think I'm going to have problems. The past 2 days I feel anything I eat just sit inside for a couple hours. I'm feeling a pouch. Damn! And whose fault is it? Who do I blame? I don't know...

It's actually sad that my original clinic in Melbourne could not provide me with sufficient information. I think the bariatrics in Oz need a better networking, because I have noticed in forums that there are quite a few people who relocate or even travel!

Ok ok, I'm just ranting, but seriously, I need to get better. I did lose an extra few kilos this week and a half, but it doesn't make me happy as I know it wasn't a healthy loss.. .and they will come back once the band is opened.

Another thing, since last night I have been feeling pain in my port area. I just hope there has been no serious damage. :(

Scared...

Photo Update - Me, Recently

Finally did the move to Sydney. Well, all furniture still in storage in Melbourne, but I need to find a house first (HELP!), then a job (double HELP!), and not gain any weight during the process (YELP!).

The weather wasn't too bad in Sydney on Sunday (I know, Melbourne has been sunny sunny sunnyyyyy since the day I left - it must be me or something???), so I asked hubby to take me to the city. I hadn't seen the Opera House and wanted to see it, so yeah.. destination was obvious :)

My husband took quite a few photos of me, and I thought some are quite good as progress photos, so here are a couple:

I am just around the 84kg mark in these photos. I can't give an exact figure as I haven't been weighing myself in almost a week (shock to the max!)

Recognition and taking offence ???

So I know a lot of people in my local area. I mean quite a lot! So much so that when I visit the local shopping centre I feel like a friggen celebrity! It takes me longer to get into the centre than out (because I see people whom I know and who want to say hi by the time I walk in).

Anyhow, I've been sort of hibernating the past few months. What with packing and the loads of translation projects forcing me to stay home except to run the little errands I must... So the past few days I've been frequenting the centre for final stuff for the road trip (relocation from Melbourne to Sydney). However this time it's different! I have been seeing people whom I know and who would normally grab me for a chat on foot just look the other way when they see me or just grease me off.

Hmmm... When the same thing happened today I decided to grab that person and ask what's goin' on!

It seems that people have not been ignoring me, they just have not been able to recognise me! (GASP!!!) They have not been greasing me off, they have just been staring a little extra to figure out where they know me from! (AAAAAAAYYYY AYYYY YAAAYYY)

So, I don't know if I should feel offended (come on, I know these people, some for many years, and I haven't changed THAT much) or if I should be over the moon.

I think I'm sort of over the moon about it, but it all seems so weird. I still see me exactly the same in the mirror. My face hasn't changed much... just the puffs in my cheeks have flattned down a little compared to over a year ago.

Anybody else experience that? :) How weird. I still can't get over it. LOL

Have a great weekend peeps... while I take off on my road trip to a totally new land... I seriously feel like an 'import' (well... foreign) bride. LOL Like seriously!

Wish me all the best :)

xx

Gee

The best of compliments...

I personally believe that the best of compliments for a woman are those that come from her partner.

Having said that, I should also mention that my husband is a bit of a cow. If I wanted to be a little more polite, Id' say he was blunt, but nope... he's a cow. Look, he's an awesome fella, I love him to bits, but that just doesn't change the fact.... that he's a cow. :)

Yes, it's true, not everybody who saw me noticed the weightloss until I reached the 30kg loss mark. However, I still had many many people who knew me compliment and note that I have been losing the weight. But this just wasn't enough.

So when I saw hubby I'd tell him about the compliments I received and he would just make no comment at all. Since he is so quiet and everything about it, I would go into my wardrobe of old clothing which I previously couldn't fit into and try them on. Anything that fits, I would jump out in front of him and say "ta daaaaa! look honey, I haven't been able to fit into this for like 5-6 years." (Yes, I guess I've always had hope that I may one day fit into those old clothes that I kept them for so long).

So after my performance my husband sort of feels obliged to make a comment, so he's like "oh... good.. good..."

Of course me being quite pissed right now, as I have been fishing for a compliment for about an hour, I ask, "Can't you notice any change? Can't you see the weight loss? I've lost almost 30kg and you are still not commenting? Encouraging? Are all those people who see the change lying to me? Why don't you ever say anything?"

My husband, the COW blurts out: "Well, TECHNICALLY you are still overweight."

ARGHHH. For a man who has been so supportive with my surgery, my eating etc, this was just inacceptable. Was it unacceptable or inacceptable? Oops! Well, you know what I mean. :)

Before going any further I should note that my husband definitely loves some meat on his woman. He has never ever hurt me due to my weight, and I was huge when he wanted to marry me (and I rejected him like 100 times). He's more the personality type of guy, as long as his woman has a good heart, looks are not important. So there are no problems in that area, but despite all the compliments I receive(d) from everybody else, it was his kind words that I needed to hear.

I guess this meant that I had to wait until I was closer to looking more of a standard size...

Now that I am 60 plus kgs lighter than I started 19 months ago... Now that I am a size 14, while I used to be a size 26 bursting the seams when I started... My husband turned around and said: "You are looking so hot! I find myself thinking about you all the time."

I have been receiving compliments left and right. But this compliment... My husband's words beat any other compliment that I ever received. I finally feel beautiful... :)

Probably our only 'romantic' looking photo... an old but sweet shot :)

This photo was taken during our trip to Turkey mid last year (2010). I was 18-20kg lighter post-op. So I weighed approximately 128kg. I sort of look slimmer, because by now I have learnt to pose in a way that hides a few of my 'extra' kgs. :)

Hmmm... But still! He is a bit of a cow, yeah?  :)))

xx
Gee

My size 12 HOT blazer

Here it is... My size 12 blazer... It's hot, it's bold, and it's all mine! And oh yeah, it's a size 12. Did I mention it was a size 12? :))))

See, it says size 12. :))

I plan to wear it soon, so as soon as I do, I will take photos to show. :))

Progress Photos - 19 Months Later and 60kgs Lighter

So here are the progress photos I have promised from last night. They aren't the best, but meh, they give an indication of the loss and change. :)

Let's begin with my regular progress photos. The same ones I put up on every progress photo post :)

The BEFOREs:

My biggest at around 149.8kg back in September 2008. This photo was my relization... of how big I really was/am.

A couple months before surgery... around 148kg in November 2009

4 weeks after surgery

The AFTERs - The NOWs:

Chopped off my head cos my mouth was open LOL. I normally always wear a full body corset, but none in these photos. So you can see my apron tummy...

Not too bad from the back I guess... Those are size 14 trousers. :)

Yep, gravity takes its toll... The fat has all plopped down.. or has sunk down. You can actually see a bit of my arm flab here too, but it does not look as bad as it really is. My biggest problem area: my batwings. :(

I look at these photos and still see a very large person. I did mention in my previous post how I need psychological help... Even though I see the differences between the before and after photos, I need to convince myself that there is HUGE difference. A part of me sees the differences and is really very happy, another part of me is still happy but does not see enough of a difference and is a little heart broken at the same time. I just need to work on my emotions...

Where I'm at... and everything else... UPDATE!

It has been such a long time since I've updated my blog! I only have a small number of followers, but even if it was 1 person following, I should keep doing regular posts. :( Sowwy... However, I have been updating my ticker every month. Religiously!

I am currently down to 85 kg. I actually get down to about 84.5 kg, but I prefer to think I'm 85kg, because I weigh myself every single day! It's an obsession, and so my actual weight does not 'settle in' for about a week. :)

I am so very happy... grateful... ecstatic... I mean really, words cannot explain what I feel. Cliche, yes, but true!

I am now a comfy size 14 and actually some stores now I wear a size 12 (even with stuff that don't have stretch). I never ever remember wearing sizes 12-14 in my entire life. The only size I remember wearing is a size 16 at age 10-12. So you can only imagine...

However, I am having problems... 2 problems actually...

1- My reflux just continues... When it gives me a lot of pain and trouble I do go and get some fill taken out, however having fill taken out means a weight gain of about 2-3 kgs, and that I cannot handle. :( So in 2 weeks time I would go and get my fill back in. I am only at 5.3 mls now. I had gone up to 6.4 mls in the past, but due to reflux, the maximum I can have to be safe is 5.3 mls. It's fine, I'm still losing weight thank God! So I have learnt to deal, accept and live with my reflux... I try to manage it so it's at a minimum...

2- I still am unable to accept my new size/body... It's weird... I look in the mirror and I can see a lot of changes... I do have excess skin, but my tummy isn't as bad as some I have seen. My arms are horrible (the worst in my body... they were also my biggest body part), I'm fitting into sizes I never have even as a child... But I still feel fat.. absolutely, very very fat... I am told I now look standard... average... People I have known for years are seriously unable to recognise me even though it has only been 4-6 months since I last saw them!

I walk into a store and I pick up sizes 16-18 to try on, but yeah, I'm swimming in them... Then I try one smaller... then another smaller... until I get the correct size. I bought a size 14D bra... cos I couldn't find size 16C (I've gone down from a 26D to a C cup). So I come home with a 14D (I really wanted it, so I thought it being a D cup would make up for the bra not being a size 16 LOL dumb, I know), I try it on thinking I may need a bra extension at the back BUTTTTT it's too big, and I wear it at the 3rd (tightest) notch. Hmpf!

I think I need to see a psychologist soon. :( I really do not know where to stop. I know I need to slow down now. It's been 18 months... actually I'm in my 19th month since surgery... 1.5 years and I have lost 63kg now... So down from 148.5kg to 85.5 kg (I swear, photos coming very soon!)... I've been told approx 8-10 kg of me is now excess skin --- I wont be getting rid of them too soon, too expensive and I can't even afford it if it were cheap either!

Pfffff yeah I need some help! I'm really really wanting to get down to 79kg at the moment. I'm saying I will really slow it down once I get there, but I know me... I wont be able to stop myself. :( I think the fact that the weight dropping off quicker in the last 8 months is the reason why I have not been able to adapt as well as I should...

Hearing all the compliments is great, but it feels a little weird after a certain time too... and I probably think that if I stop losing the weight I will stop hearing the compliments... what happens then? wow I really am going koo koo and this post is now too long. :) I wonder if anyone else has been experiencing similar things?

hmmm I actually have 3 problems, so here is no. 3:

3- I'm relocating from Melbourne to Sydney next weekend. I have called Dr. Craig Taylor's rooms at the O Clinic. It is going to be damn difficult for me. :( I've heard great things about the clinic and Dr Taylor, but the fees are so high. :((( I had the surgery with private health insurance and of course through the Centre for Bariatric Surgery. All my follow-ups, adjustments were bulk billed. So nothing came out of my pocket. I just don't know how I am going to manage up in Sydney, especially with my reflux problems. :(

So that's about it from me for now. I shall be posting progress photos in the next couple days, so stay tuned for those. :)

OMG I did it!!!

Ok ok slow down. I havent yet reached my goal goal weight :) Still a while for that, but I am finally under 100kg... finally! double digits!!! I've been sooooo over the moon about my weight for the last couple weeks. I dont remember being under 100kg for almost 20 years. I'm turning 33 in May, so yeah since my early teens.

I've been buying size 14 jeans - but I have to admit they have stretch in them :) otherwise they wont fit, but who cares! I used to force myself into size 24 jeans just 15 months ago. :))))))

However, I have to note that my constant weight-size change has made me go crazy. ı was always a shopaholic but because I couldn't fit into much or even if I did fit, clothing didn't look good, so I would never really go home broke. Now!!! OMG please someone stop me! I definitely have a problem.

Other than that it's all great. :)

I have taken a photo of me on te scales but I cant add it right now because I'm on my iphone. I will add later during the day :))

Current weight: 97.3 kg :))))
Starting weight: 148.6 kgs

OMG, so sorry about the sockettes (it was freezing) and my legs. I would have edited the photo if I realised earlier but too bad heheh I'm adding the photo months after I promised I would add it, but yeah here's proof :)))

Progress Photos - Long Time No See

I've been up and down with sickness in the past couple months. I think I did mention the reflux and fill removal last time?

Well, I had the fill put back in gradually (2 appointments) and was going well until I got sick again... and reflux again...

This happened a couple times and I had 1 ml removed today to give my internals a rest for a couple weeks.

I have been doing great with weight loss, but if it weren't for the episodes of illness I've been experiencing, the results would not have been achieved as quickly. I have to admit that! The cause of the tightness in my band leading to reflux seems to be triggered by colds. I've been catching colds, and whenever I do, my band gets tighter leading to reflux. Apparently something goes on internally when a person gets a cold, and that pushes onto the band making it feel tighter. Doc today said colds can be tricky. Damn!

Anyhow, I am so scared to put the weight back on, because I know it is common... the body thinks you are starving it, so anything that goes in your mouth is stored as fat for survival UNTIL your metabolism kicks in again. So this means I need to hit the gym again rigorously to compensate and kick start it.

Other than all this, I now feel that the band is not for everyone! I personally wouldn't change a thing (other than doing it earlier), I love my band and very thankful for it. But I know that not everybody can cope with the throwing up, struggling to get anything down... sometimes even getting water down is a problem with the reflux. But yeah, just depends on YOU!

I am currently at 100.3 kg, but doc said take last weeks weight as my actual weight, because I was dehydrated and got nothing down the past few days. So in reality, I am approximately 103-104 kg. So that is 10 kg less than the last photos I posted. :)

I have to add that I am very happy and proud! I am loving all the compliments I receive from people who have actually seen my before and current state. :))) I can't wait to get off the next 15-20 kg (maybe another year?) --- then surgery to remove the sagging skin... my God is everything sagging or what! It's turning me off and I think I am going to be really affected psychologically (more than I already am)... dunno how to save up for it, as it is going to cost a lot... I think the cost is going to be the thing that stops me from reaching my goal/dream. Anyway, I have my fingers crossed!

Me @ 103kg at month 14... 45kg down in 14 months!

Now, comparing to the photos in the previous post, I can't see much of a difference, but the jeans I was wearing in the previous photos was a size 18, and they are now quite big on me, very loose! These ones are size 16. I now wear size 16, there are rare occasions I wear 14 (depending on fabric), but I think that if I had the sagging skin in my midrift area removed, I would probably be a 14. That bulge you see in the centre is majorly the emptied out sagging skin which I hate to see when I take off my clothing.

Progress / Comparison Photos: Halaluliah It's Working! :))

I skipped almost a month by mistake. I try to keep a record of how I'm doing at least once a month... So my apologies to both you and myself. :))

Anyhow, I just took photos minutes ago to post up, but this month I also wanted to compare with my pre-op photos.

Let's go down memory lane... I sound like the lady on Playschool (does that even play anymore?). :)

The photo that made me realise I had to do something... Exactly 2 years ago from today!

This phto was taken 10-11 months ago... 2-3 months prior to my surgery... I was waiting... but I wasn't getting any thinner...

My first set of photos after surgery... I had lost almost 9kg post-op.

And today....

at 114.2 kg! Although I must admit jeans do make me look a little more stocky than I actually am lol

I am very proud of what I have achieved. I am almost half way to my ultimate goal. I have lost a total of 34.5kg in the last 9 months. I have had many ups and downs. At the moment I am struggling with blockages due to stress. My band feels very tight, but I haven't had any fills for over 2 months. Life is a little tough at the moment, so any stress (I've been told and read) may cause the band to feel tighter. I plan to go to the clinic the following week. It doesn't make it difficult to breathe, but I just have really bad heartburn. I need to find out why.

Anyways... The weight has been dropping off at a good speed lately.. better than months 3-4-5-6 thankfully :) So all in all I'm one happy gal. :) However, I expect it to slow down any time soon --- I don't want it to, but it's bound to happen I guess.

So yeah that's all from me today and it's quite late so I might get some shut eye.

xoxo

Slowly does it...

It has been a little over 7 months since the surgery...

The weight loss has not been as fast as it is for some and not as slow as it is for others... Nonetheless, we all have different body shapes and systems and eating habits and problem areas, and etc. etc... So what matters is the fact that we continue to lose weight!

Mine was very slow during months 4-5-6 with losses of 0.5 kg to 2 kg per month. It did make me feel down, but I always thought a loss is a loss.

Now, for the last month I have been a little worried that my metabolism will sort of crash because it is the month of Ramadhan where Muslims fast (abstain from eating, sexual activity, etc from dusk to dawn) for a period of 1 month. Obviously we need to eat frequently but in smaller portions compared to our pre-banding state and this was not possible for me during the past month. Anyhow, it hasn't been too bad with a loss of approximately 2 kg, but I hope and plan to lose approx 3 during the following month.

Today is our last day of fasting for the year and the celebrations begin tomorrow. So we shall see how that all goes.

In the meantime, some more photos to share.. :)

This is from last week... Weight @ 119 kg

This is a 'fresh' photo :) from today. Weight @ 119 kg

Side shot from today :) I apologise for the link at the bottom of the photos. They are from another of my fashion-related blogs. :)

A few months down the track and updates...

Okay, much has happened in the last few months...

I was away in Turkey on a business+holiday trip. Just got back a couple weeks ago.

As for my band... I am still happy with it... It's been 6 months, and I just wish I had the means and opportunity to have it done earlier as I know that I would have been even lighter now. But nevermind, at least I have it now! :)

I had previously heard from other bandsters that they experienced many problems when they travelled, and some had told me that they feared blockage, so they just got some fill removed before their travels. However, I also noticed those people gain back many unwanted kilograms during their travel.. So instead I wanted to go to my fill doc as frequently as 2 times every 3 weeks in order to observe very well how my body reacts to any fill that I get.

I chose to get 0.2 ml fill on my last fill before travelling, and was happy all throughout my trip. I couldn't eat much, felt the restriction, regurgitated a few times when I didn't chew well or ate too fast. That was about it. No fuss, no complaints. I enjoyed eating a little of everything. The only down side to all this was, my husband would order a separate meal, and he would finish off my leftovers. So he gained around 5-6 kg. However, he loses fast, so now he weighs less than what he did before going there.

Although I ate little and walked heaps during my trip, I didn't lose as much as I expected. I lost around 3.5 kg during my 6 week trip, which is still good. However, I lost another 3-4 kg in the 2 weeks that I've been back. So that's a bonus!

I was very upset taking off from Melbourne-Australia, as I thought with the weight I had already lost, I would not need an extension belt during the flight. BUT I DID! So embarrassing. :( HOWEVER, I didn't need one on the way back. So woohoo to that! :)

I have been getting compliments from many people as they have started to notice the changes in my body. I can see my body starting to tone up, change shape... I may not be losing as many kgs, but something is still happenning... My body is changing... I can fit into many things I couldn't get my arm through only a few months ago! It's a wonderful feeling, and I just can't wait to drop down to 100 kg! I wonder if I can do it by New Years? 15 weeks? Hmm I don't think so... Maybe 10-12 kg more by then seems more possible? But I will be happy with that too. :)

And here are some photos...

This photo was taken during our first week in Istanbul... What you see behind me is the historical Maiden Tower. Weight was approximately 129 kg

Taken again in Istanbul, only a day before the top photo. So same weight :) This here is a minature of the Sumela Monastery that is actually located in Trabzon in the Black Sea Region. This is only one of the many miniatures that can be found at Miniaturk which is an open-air musem in Istanbul where the miniatures of all monuments/touristic attractions in Turkey are on display. The detail is just amazing. It is also wonderful for those who are unable to travel all around Turkey to see the the actual places.

This was also taken at Miniaturk. My husband and I had a go at 'looking' like Ottoman Sultans. :) I edited the photo to make it look a little ancient. The original colours were too bright and looked as fake as it actually is haha

Towards the end of our trip, with a birds eyeview of Bursa (another city significant to the history of Turkey), this is when I started to notice some more changes in my body... and also my husband's belly! :) But my arms... arghh... They never seem to get slimmer (I know they are from the clothes I try, but they look awful damn it!)...

And the following are my latest photos... Apologies for the bad photo quality thanks to iphone's not so fantastic cam! These are the most up-to-date photos I have as they were just taken last Friday on the 6th of August, 2010. So you be the judge, can you see anymore changes? I can, but what about you? :)

Yup, that's a side-ish shot... Weight @ 122 kg

A-huh! T'is a front-ish shot LOL Weight @ 122 kg

And yeppers, last but not least... a 'profilish' shot; upfront and personal :) Weight @ 122 kg

Toodles!

Progess Photos - March 2010

Okay we are now in Apil, but I haven't been able to upload the photo during March - they were taken in March, so it don't matter! :))

The photos were taken during a girls getaway at Daylesford, so they are not the "standard" progress photos, but they will do I guess. :) So let's get cookin'! :)

Well, this one is a cheeky shot that hides most things unpleasant lol

At approximately 129.4 kg in all these photos. So that's a little over 13 kg lost post op, and lost forever I hope! :)

I'm a poser even at this weight, I have no idea what will become of me when I lose all the weight :) I know it's a little hard to tell with the long cardi, but I'm starting to get a waist. I haven't had that in years! :)

And a close-up! Even though I have now lost a little over 13 kg post op, almost everybody is noticing the loss. 13kg loss doesn't look much on a person who was over 140 kg to start with, but it sure makes a difference. My face has slimmed down the most as you can see in the above photo. My legs are most obviously slimmer and my arms compared to everywhere else on my body. I can wait for future pogress to take place woohooo! :))

I am morbidly obese

Hi,

My name is E, and I am morbidly obese.

I felt like I am at one of those meetings where everybody introduces themselves...

Anyhow, besides the fact that I am morbidly obese, I am almost 31 years old (in May), I am a professional translator, and I also have a boutique. Had I mentioned that I am morbidly obese? :)

I have started this blog with the intention of continuing it (fingers crossed) mostly for myself, and also because I couldn't really find any weight-loss blogs by muslim women. Why is this important?

Well, we too live in this society, in this world, and we too have the same problems, and I like to share. So, why not?! :)

I should also note that I am a candidate for the lapband surgery. I have been researching about the procedure for the past 4-5 years, and have reached the conclusion that I need to have the surgery done (discussed the matter with my GP of course!). I have attended a seminar held in Melbourne by the Centre for Bariatric Surgery. I have also arranged an appointment for a consultation with a doctor specilising in the area. My consultation is on 24 April, 2009. It could have been sooner, but my private health insurance will not kick in before December 2009 :( so yeah, it was convenient enough...

However, with a BMI of approximately 53, I would like to lose some weight before the surgery. So, I will use this blog to share my experiences and progress.

This must've been boring to read, but what's done is done, and it's just a one-time intro, so I guess you can endure. :)

E.

P.S. I do not want to enter any stats just yet. I think I want to do that only after I have the surgery. I'm also not too sure how I would feel if someone I know reads my blog and comes up to me to say, "Wow, I never knew you weighed so much!" So yeah, for now I'll keep it to myself, but I will at least put photos up from time to time. :)