Being FAT is Comfortable

Seriously!

When I was bigger... at the weight (148.7kg) I first began my weightloss journey, life was just a tad more comfortable and easier...

If I couldn't get a job, I'd blame the fat!

If I couldn't get into a course I wanted, I'd blame the fat! (Like, seriously?!!)

If somebody didn't like me, I'd blame the fat!

If I was depressed and felt the world crumble around me, I'd blame the fat!

If people looked at me, I'd blame the fat!

Life is easier when fat:

You get special attention (good or bad LOL) because you are 'different'.

You stand out in a crowd.

People NEVER forget you, because you are the 'fat one'.

People feel sorry for you, because you can't get your butt around as easily and as swiftly as they can.

You are usually known by name at food stores and take aways you frequent - they even know what you are going to order.

You are even the conversation topic of people who feel sorry for you -- they discuss what should be done or said to convince you to lose weight (while you are not there).

You don't need to watch your weight :P Naughty, I know, but you are overweight anyway, so another kilo or two wont hurt, and no one will notice (bull! ppl notice when you gain 2kg, but not when you lose it. grrr)

...and the list goes on and on. I'm sure you too can add many more to this.

BUT NOW!??

Just recently I have noticed that I blend in with the crowd. I am no longer the 'fat girl' (although it's going to take some more time and a lot of mind work to accept and adjust to this).

I am ordinary! I am like everybody else. Hmmm, now I know why people do different things with their hair or clothing, because for people to notice you, you either need to be exceptionally/naturally attractive, unattractive, obese... if you are neither of these, you just do something totally random to your appearance to help you stand out of the crowd.

So I'm ordinary...

I think have gotten so used to the attention, that it feels awkward. :) Yes, in a weird way...

When I lie on my back in bed now... and put my hands over my stomach, seriously, it feels ewww and weird, because my ribcage now sticks out and my stomach is hollow (only when I lie on my back LOL). This was a feeling I had been yearning to experience all my life. Now that it has happened, it feels like I'm touching somebody elses body.

Oh I usually sleep on my right side, but now that is a 'struggle' on its own. When I do this, the bones in my arm and shoulder hurt from touching the hard bed, and when my knee caps are on top of each other, that also hurts too. (This is actually not a complaint, I smile very brightly every night when I feel all this)

I don't mean to say losing weight is bad. NO WAY! I am very happy with the weightloss and actually... I am more overwhelmed as 70kg off one's body is not something you see/hear everyday. I just feel like it's no longer my body.

I used to lack self-confidence, but the fat was always there to save me from my failures. I feel lost... sort of like a fish out of the sea...

I think moving to a new state and all the struggles I'm experiencing here are influencing my emotions too, but in all honesty, I now see that I hid behind my fat all my life. Now is time to 'come out of the closet' and embrace the changes. :)

Photo Update - Me, Recently

Finally did the move to Sydney. Well, all furniture still in storage in Melbourne, but I need to find a house first (HELP!), then a job (double HELP!), and not gain any weight during the process (YELP!).

The weather wasn't too bad in Sydney on Sunday (I know, Melbourne has been sunny sunny sunnyyyyy since the day I left - it must be me or something???), so I asked hubby to take me to the city. I hadn't seen the Opera House and wanted to see it, so yeah.. destination was obvious :)

My husband took quite a few photos of me, and I thought some are quite good as progress photos, so here are a couple:

I am just around the 84kg mark in these photos. I can't give an exact figure as I haven't been weighing myself in almost a week (shock to the max!)

Recognition and taking offence ???

So I know a lot of people in my local area. I mean quite a lot! So much so that when I visit the local shopping centre I feel like a friggen celebrity! It takes me longer to get into the centre than out (because I see people whom I know and who want to say hi by the time I walk in).

Anyhow, I've been sort of hibernating the past few months. What with packing and the loads of translation projects forcing me to stay home except to run the little errands I must... So the past few days I've been frequenting the centre for final stuff for the road trip (relocation from Melbourne to Sydney). However this time it's different! I have been seeing people whom I know and who would normally grab me for a chat on foot just look the other way when they see me or just grease me off.

Hmmm... When the same thing happened today I decided to grab that person and ask what's goin' on!

It seems that people have not been ignoring me, they just have not been able to recognise me! (GASP!!!) They have not been greasing me off, they have just been staring a little extra to figure out where they know me from! (AAAAAAAYYYY AYYYY YAAAYYY)

So, I don't know if I should feel offended (come on, I know these people, some for many years, and I haven't changed THAT much) or if I should be over the moon.

I think I'm sort of over the moon about it, but it all seems so weird. I still see me exactly the same in the mirror. My face hasn't changed much... just the puffs in my cheeks have flattned down a little compared to over a year ago.

Anybody else experience that? :) How weird. I still can't get over it. LOL

Have a great weekend peeps... while I take off on my road trip to a totally new land... I seriously feel like an 'import' (well... foreign) bride. LOL Like seriously!

Wish me all the best :)

xx

Gee