UPDATE: Below Goal Weight and Maintaining

Wow! I had not realised that I have not been updating for such a long time. It has literally been a year and 1 week since my last post. Well, I can tell you that a looooot has changed since then. I don't even know if anybody is following/reading anymore?

Anyways, let me get to it...

I am currently in Eastern Turkey, up on a mountain so high that sometimes I think my lungs are gonna pop. :) I am here on a 12 month contract to provide linguistic support to US soldiers that are here on a mission. Currently been on the job for over 3 months, but it has been over 5 months since I got here. 

The last year has been awful with band slippage, not being able to find a proper knowledgable doc in Turkey, etc etc... Currently I have no fill, had to have it all removed after being severely blocked, not being able to get any fluids down even. Have been very ill on and off due to continuing deficiencies. However, with the amount of sunlight exposure and a Vitamin D injection, I think I am doing well in that area as I no longer have sore bones. Thank God! However, my blood count and iron level continue to be low...

But, I am not complaining. I am currently a few kgs below goal weight. My goal weight has been to get down to 75kg (from 148kg), and now I weight something like 72kgs. My ideal weight is around 65kg, but I am not fussing, I have reached goal, and my surgeon had told me not to expect to get below 100kg. :)

The only thing I desperately want but cannot get due to financial circumstances is to have my excess skin removed. Unfortunately, it makes me feel like crap. When I see photos of myself standing up, I think I look pretty decent, otherwise I feel sluggish with folds of meat everywhere... especially when photographed in photos while I am sitting down, the excess skin clutters, and makes me look as bad as I feel about myself. Maybe one day... one day I will have enough cash to have that crap removed to feel and look like a normal human being. However, when I go shopping and dress up, I do feel great, I cannot complain about that! I love being treated like the human being I deserve to be treated... It really makes me sad to notice that I actually was treated slightly different in public as an overweight woman. I get a lot of attention from males, and a whole heap of compliments too. Does it feel good? Sure does! But it pisses me off too! Big time!

Anyways... Once I get back to Australia, I need to have enough cash to have my lapband surgery reversed and to get the sleeve. I mean, yes, I have no fill right now, and I have been maintaining my weight, but still, I know that if I ever fall pregnant (I hope to one day), I will get back to my old ways, and I need the assistance that WLS provides. Argh, the cost of all this does not make me happy, and does not make it easy, but one has got to do what one has got to do...

WLS is not easy, but if you stick to it and be patient, it really pays off.

Here are some of my latest photos... for inspiration...

A facial close up from last week

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This is from yesterday, so it is my most recent photo

A side shot from yesterday... just see my older posts for a comparison...

This is about a month old, and taken at my work place and home. I live on a mountain in Eastern Turkey... a very different experience... a adventure and a journey I appreciate...

This was also from last week

And this one is about a month old...

So I am 1.64m tall, and weigh approx. 72 kg at present... My bottom half I am not so upset with, but my back and arms have heaps and heaps of fat, excess skin that bothers me... but I should be grateful... and I am... but I am also a woman, and I complain :P

To all of you out there who are struggling to lose weight and/or maintain their weight loss, I wish you all the best, I know that it is very very difficult... not only physically but also emotionally...

Photo Update - Me, Recently

Finally did the move to Sydney. Well, all furniture still in storage in Melbourne, but I need to find a house first (HELP!), then a job (double HELP!), and not gain any weight during the process (YELP!).

The weather wasn't too bad in Sydney on Sunday (I know, Melbourne has been sunny sunny sunnyyyyy since the day I left - it must be me or something???), so I asked hubby to take me to the city. I hadn't seen the Opera House and wanted to see it, so yeah.. destination was obvious :)

My husband took quite a few photos of me, and I thought some are quite good as progress photos, so here are a couple:

I am just around the 84kg mark in these photos. I can't give an exact figure as I haven't been weighing myself in almost a week (shock to the max!)

Achievements: Trains, Plains, and Belts...

I love travelling. I especially love flying...

However, being a large... hmm extra large... okay okay, being a 6XL person all of my adult life (I was like an XL-2XL during my childhood and teens) has not made this passion easy on me.

Every time I hop on the plane, that dreaded moment comes when the 'fasten seat belts' pops up. Ding dong! Then the hostess comes to check if everyone has their belts on... So as soon as he/she comes to me (they know it aint gonna fit me), they sort of look with suspicion in their eyes, but I blurt out "belt extension please" before they can say anything.

Most of the time the people sitting next to me lift an eyebrow... because I'm guessing they've never seen this before? Hmmm... Amazes me, because the world population is growing fast (in weight), so they must have come across it... Then I think, I'm always travelling to and through countries like Turkey, China, Malaysia, Singapore, where the majority of the population consists of mini people.

Anyways, back to the point!

It was just a couple months ago. I was flying up to Sydney to see my hubby. Now I know domestic flight seats are ALWAYS tinier than the tiny inetrnational flights. Don't even get me started on the belt size! :/

So I walk down the isle to my seat. I put up my luggage then pop into my seat...

I don't notice it at first, but I feel comfortable. Hmm... That's strange!

For the first time in my life, I notice room on both sides of my thighs in a flight seat! The armrest is (yes! for the first time!) not lifted by my thigh. I could never fit properly, so my thigh would always push the armrest up.

Normally I would sit a little sideways so my huge tuckshop arms do not give any discomfort to the person sitting next to me. However this time I'm sitting straight and my shoulders are well within my own seat. No overflow into the next seats!

By now I have a HUGE smile across my face. So much so that the guy sitting next to me was like 'wtf?' Must have thought I was looney. Ahhhh if only he knew...

Then that dreaded ding dong bell was heard to fasten seat belts. Hmmm... Yes!!!!! It clicked with no extension required... for the first time in my entire adult life! And you know what? I had to tighten it like 15-20cm. I even have proof (see attached photo).

Oh yes, after that I definitely had to try the meal tray which is never flat as it sort of lays on a slope on my tummy... Obviously that too was fine.. I had room between my thighs and the meal tray, room between my tummy and the meal tray (even when I pulled it all the way out).

I snapped a quick shot of my belt, I don't know if the guy next to me noticed, but I couldn't care less. How could I not document such a memorable moment?

The entire flight (which was only like an hour and a half) I was on cloud nine. I can't wait to hop on the plane again now.

Actually, this time I have to go on rides (e.g. show, luna park, etc) and bungee jumping!

Progress Photos - 19 Months Later and 60kgs Lighter

So here are the progress photos I have promised from last night. They aren't the best, but meh, they give an indication of the loss and change. :)

Let's begin with my regular progress photos. The same ones I put up on every progress photo post :)

The BEFOREs:

My biggest at around 149.8kg back in September 2008. This photo was my relization... of how big I really was/am.

A couple months before surgery... around 148kg in November 2009

4 weeks after surgery

The AFTERs - The NOWs:

Chopped off my head cos my mouth was open LOL. I normally always wear a full body corset, but none in these photos. So you can see my apron tummy...

Not too bad from the back I guess... Those are size 14 trousers. :)

Yep, gravity takes its toll... The fat has all plopped down.. or has sunk down. You can actually see a bit of my arm flab here too, but it does not look as bad as it really is. My biggest problem area: my batwings. :(

I look at these photos and still see a very large person. I did mention in my previous post how I need psychological help... Even though I see the differences between the before and after photos, I need to convince myself that there is HUGE difference. A part of me sees the differences and is really very happy, another part of me is still happy but does not see enough of a difference and is a little heart broken at the same time. I just need to work on my emotions...

Where I'm at... and everything else... UPDATE!

It has been such a long time since I've updated my blog! I only have a small number of followers, but even if it was 1 person following, I should keep doing regular posts. :( Sowwy... However, I have been updating my ticker every month. Religiously!

I am currently down to 85 kg. I actually get down to about 84.5 kg, but I prefer to think I'm 85kg, because I weigh myself every single day! It's an obsession, and so my actual weight does not 'settle in' for about a week. :)

I am so very happy... grateful... ecstatic... I mean really, words cannot explain what I feel. Cliche, yes, but true!

I am now a comfy size 14 and actually some stores now I wear a size 12 (even with stuff that don't have stretch). I never ever remember wearing sizes 12-14 in my entire life. The only size I remember wearing is a size 16 at age 10-12. So you can only imagine...

However, I am having problems... 2 problems actually...

1- My reflux just continues... When it gives me a lot of pain and trouble I do go and get some fill taken out, however having fill taken out means a weight gain of about 2-3 kgs, and that I cannot handle. :( So in 2 weeks time I would go and get my fill back in. I am only at 5.3 mls now. I had gone up to 6.4 mls in the past, but due to reflux, the maximum I can have to be safe is 5.3 mls. It's fine, I'm still losing weight thank God! So I have learnt to deal, accept and live with my reflux... I try to manage it so it's at a minimum...

2- I still am unable to accept my new size/body... It's weird... I look in the mirror and I can see a lot of changes... I do have excess skin, but my tummy isn't as bad as some I have seen. My arms are horrible (the worst in my body... they were also my biggest body part), I'm fitting into sizes I never have even as a child... But I still feel fat.. absolutely, very very fat... I am told I now look standard... average... People I have known for years are seriously unable to recognise me even though it has only been 4-6 months since I last saw them!

I walk into a store and I pick up sizes 16-18 to try on, but yeah, I'm swimming in them... Then I try one smaller... then another smaller... until I get the correct size. I bought a size 14D bra... cos I couldn't find size 16C (I've gone down from a 26D to a C cup). So I come home with a 14D (I really wanted it, so I thought it being a D cup would make up for the bra not being a size 16 LOL dumb, I know), I try it on thinking I may need a bra extension at the back BUTTTTT it's too big, and I wear it at the 3rd (tightest) notch. Hmpf!

I think I need to see a psychologist soon. :( I really do not know where to stop. I know I need to slow down now. It's been 18 months... actually I'm in my 19th month since surgery... 1.5 years and I have lost 63kg now... So down from 148.5kg to 85.5 kg (I swear, photos coming very soon!)... I've been told approx 8-10 kg of me is now excess skin --- I wont be getting rid of them too soon, too expensive and I can't even afford it if it were cheap either!

Pfffff yeah I need some help! I'm really really wanting to get down to 79kg at the moment. I'm saying I will really slow it down once I get there, but I know me... I wont be able to stop myself. :( I think the fact that the weight dropping off quicker in the last 8 months is the reason why I have not been able to adapt as well as I should...

Hearing all the compliments is great, but it feels a little weird after a certain time too... and I probably think that if I stop losing the weight I will stop hearing the compliments... what happens then? wow I really am going koo koo and this post is now too long. :) I wonder if anyone else has been experiencing similar things?

hmmm I actually have 3 problems, so here is no. 3:

3- I'm relocating from Melbourne to Sydney next weekend. I have called Dr. Craig Taylor's rooms at the O Clinic. It is going to be damn difficult for me. :( I've heard great things about the clinic and Dr Taylor, but the fees are so high. :((( I had the surgery with private health insurance and of course through the Centre for Bariatric Surgery. All my follow-ups, adjustments were bulk billed. So nothing came out of my pocket. I just don't know how I am going to manage up in Sydney, especially with my reflux problems. :(

So that's about it from me for now. I shall be posting progress photos in the next couple days, so stay tuned for those. :)

OMG I did it!!!

Ok ok slow down. I havent yet reached my goal goal weight :) Still a while for that, but I am finally under 100kg... finally! double digits!!! I've been sooooo over the moon about my weight for the last couple weeks. I dont remember being under 100kg for almost 20 years. I'm turning 33 in May, so yeah since my early teens.

I've been buying size 14 jeans - but I have to admit they have stretch in them :) otherwise they wont fit, but who cares! I used to force myself into size 24 jeans just 15 months ago. :))))))

However, I have to note that my constant weight-size change has made me go crazy. ı was always a shopaholic but because I couldn't fit into much or even if I did fit, clothing didn't look good, so I would never really go home broke. Now!!! OMG please someone stop me! I definitely have a problem.

Other than that it's all great. :)

I have taken a photo of me on te scales but I cant add it right now because I'm on my iphone. I will add later during the day :))

Current weight: 97.3 kg :))))
Starting weight: 148.6 kgs

OMG, so sorry about the sockettes (it was freezing) and my legs. I would have edited the photo if I realised earlier but too bad heheh I'm adding the photo months after I promised I would add it, but yeah here's proof :)))

Progress / Comparison Photos: Halaluliah It's Working! :))

I skipped almost a month by mistake. I try to keep a record of how I'm doing at least once a month... So my apologies to both you and myself. :))

Anyhow, I just took photos minutes ago to post up, but this month I also wanted to compare with my pre-op photos.

Let's go down memory lane... I sound like the lady on Playschool (does that even play anymore?). :)

The photo that made me realise I had to do something... Exactly 2 years ago from today!

This phto was taken 10-11 months ago... 2-3 months prior to my surgery... I was waiting... but I wasn't getting any thinner...

My first set of photos after surgery... I had lost almost 9kg post-op.

And today....

at 114.2 kg! Although I must admit jeans do make me look a little more stocky than I actually am lol

I am very proud of what I have achieved. I am almost half way to my ultimate goal. I have lost a total of 34.5kg in the last 9 months. I have had many ups and downs. At the moment I am struggling with blockages due to stress. My band feels very tight, but I haven't had any fills for over 2 months. Life is a little tough at the moment, so any stress (I've been told and read) may cause the band to feel tighter. I plan to go to the clinic the following week. It doesn't make it difficult to breathe, but I just have really bad heartburn. I need to find out why.

Anyways... The weight has been dropping off at a good speed lately.. better than months 3-4-5-6 thankfully :) So all in all I'm one happy gal. :) However, I expect it to slow down any time soon --- I don't want it to, but it's bound to happen I guess.

So yeah that's all from me today and it's quite late so I might get some shut eye.

xoxo

I'm back and banded! :)

Yup! 22 January 2010.... After waiting 12 months for my health insurance to kick in, then another month for Xmas and New Years holidays to be over... Then it arrived... :)

I am now happily banded for a little over three weeks. Rapid weightloss recorded in the first week, but nothing else in the last two weeks despite sweating it off on the treadmill and trying not to eat more than 500 calories a day. Although I cannot say that I am managing too well in the last two days. Lucky for me I will be going for my first post-op appointment on Wednesday this week, and as far as I know I will be getting my first fill. Yippee! :)

This is me about 9 hours after the operation. Mum had come to visit me and she was quite upset to see me so pale and drowsy. Ahhh, mums... I love her!

I am morbidly obese

Hi,

My name is E, and I am morbidly obese.

I felt like I am at one of those meetings where everybody introduces themselves...

Anyhow, besides the fact that I am morbidly obese, I am almost 31 years old (in May), I am a professional translator, and I also have a boutique. Had I mentioned that I am morbidly obese? :)

I have started this blog with the intention of continuing it (fingers crossed) mostly for myself, and also because I couldn't really find any weight-loss blogs by muslim women. Why is this important?

Well, we too live in this society, in this world, and we too have the same problems, and I like to share. So, why not?! :)

I should also note that I am a candidate for the lapband surgery. I have been researching about the procedure for the past 4-5 years, and have reached the conclusion that I need to have the surgery done (discussed the matter with my GP of course!). I have attended a seminar held in Melbourne by the Centre for Bariatric Surgery. I have also arranged an appointment for a consultation with a doctor specilising in the area. My consultation is on 24 April, 2009. It could have been sooner, but my private health insurance will not kick in before December 2009 :( so yeah, it was convenient enough...

However, with a BMI of approximately 53, I would like to lose some weight before the surgery. So, I will use this blog to share my experiences and progress.

This must've been boring to read, but what's done is done, and it's just a one-time intro, so I guess you can endure. :)

E.

P.S. I do not want to enter any stats just yet. I think I want to do that only after I have the surgery. I'm also not too sure how I would feel if someone I know reads my blog and comes up to me to say, "Wow, I never knew you weighed so much!" So yeah, for now I'll keep it to myself, but I will at least put photos up from time to time. :)