UPDATE: Below Goal Weight and Maintaining

Wow! I had not realised that I have not been updating for such a long time. It has literally been a year and 1 week since my last post. Well, I can tell you that a looooot has changed since then. I don't even know if anybody is following/reading anymore?

Anyways, let me get to it...

I am currently in Eastern Turkey, up on a mountain so high that sometimes I think my lungs are gonna pop. :) I am here on a 12 month contract to provide linguistic support to US soldiers that are here on a mission. Currently been on the job for over 3 months, but it has been over 5 months since I got here. 

The last year has been awful with band slippage, not being able to find a proper knowledgable doc in Turkey, etc etc... Currently I have no fill, had to have it all removed after being severely blocked, not being able to get any fluids down even. Have been very ill on and off due to continuing deficiencies. However, with the amount of sunlight exposure and a Vitamin D injection, I think I am doing well in that area as I no longer have sore bones. Thank God! However, my blood count and iron level continue to be low...

But, I am not complaining. I am currently a few kgs below goal weight. My goal weight has been to get down to 75kg (from 148kg), and now I weight something like 72kgs. My ideal weight is around 65kg, but I am not fussing, I have reached goal, and my surgeon had told me not to expect to get below 100kg. :)

The only thing I desperately want but cannot get due to financial circumstances is to have my excess skin removed. Unfortunately, it makes me feel like crap. When I see photos of myself standing up, I think I look pretty decent, otherwise I feel sluggish with folds of meat everywhere... especially when photographed in photos while I am sitting down, the excess skin clutters, and makes me look as bad as I feel about myself. Maybe one day... one day I will have enough cash to have that crap removed to feel and look like a normal human being. However, when I go shopping and dress up, I do feel great, I cannot complain about that! I love being treated like the human being I deserve to be treated... It really makes me sad to notice that I actually was treated slightly different in public as an overweight woman. I get a lot of attention from males, and a whole heap of compliments too. Does it feel good? Sure does! But it pisses me off too! Big time!

Anyways... Once I get back to Australia, I need to have enough cash to have my lapband surgery reversed and to get the sleeve. I mean, yes, I have no fill right now, and I have been maintaining my weight, but still, I know that if I ever fall pregnant (I hope to one day), I will get back to my old ways, and I need the assistance that WLS provides. Argh, the cost of all this does not make me happy, and does not make it easy, but one has got to do what one has got to do...

WLS is not easy, but if you stick to it and be patient, it really pays off.

Here are some of my latest photos... for inspiration...

A facial close up from last week

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This is from yesterday, so it is my most recent photo

A side shot from yesterday... just see my older posts for a comparison...

This is about a month old, and taken at my work place and home. I live on a mountain in Eastern Turkey... a very different experience... a adventure and a journey I appreciate...

This was also from last week

And this one is about a month old...

So I am 1.64m tall, and weigh approx. 72 kg at present... My bottom half I am not so upset with, but my back and arms have heaps and heaps of fat, excess skin that bothers me... but I should be grateful... and I am... but I am also a woman, and I complain :P

To all of you out there who are struggling to lose weight and/or maintain their weight loss, I wish you all the best, I know that it is very very difficult... not only physically but also emotionally...

Very very very tight!

The past week and a half has been dreadful.

I am not happy at all with my move to Sydney. It has just been too difficult: financially and emotionally.

All I want at the moment is to get out of here... but I know I can't, so I have to come to terms with all this.

The past week and a half my band has been extremely tight. Just like that! I haven't had any fills or anything. Just woke up one morning and couldn't even get water down. Anything I put in my mouth, I had to bring up myself, otherwise the pain in my chest and back wouldn't go away and I couldn't breathe.

Moving states means changing doctors for adjustments and consultations.

So I had all my files and reports faxed tot he O Clinic... Up until now, I would see my doctor once every fortnight if I had problems... and when I had no problems I would just go every 5-6 weeks. I was bulk billed and never paid anything since my surgery.

However, now I am going to pay $250 per appointment, and I will be getting just under $100 back from Medicare. I don't know if any other doctor does bulk billing, but I so need it at the moment! I have actually heard a lot of wonderful things about Dr. Craig Taylor (O Clinic), but when you can't afford it, you just can't afford it!

So last week I was in excruciating pain and couldn't breathe properly. I called the clinic and the doctor was not available and of course there was a fee... but the thing is, I had no money at all other than the $20-$30 I could use to put petrol in the car to drive up there (no job, no centrelink, had to wait for hubby's salary to come in the next week).

They suggested I go to St George Hospital Emergency... I was told they had bariatrics there and they could do the adjustment. I waited in pain and tears for hubby to come home from work. Went to the hospital. Waited for hours (naturally! emergency! ironic). Then all they did was give me a drip because I must have lost a lot of nutrients etc and asked me to wait till morning and maybe a surgeon might come along after their surgeries. The other doctors just did not know what to do. All they did was attempt to take blood samples from me, but they couldn't get any out. I told them I was anemic, and they kept on trying to get out whatever tiny amount of blood I had left. LOL

OMG! I lay there freezing (I'm anemic so I just can't warm up easily, and with no food in my system, it was impossible). Then I had a drunken man in the next bed who kept on coming over me and staring at me. He was constantly shouting and swearing. Igh! It was horrible. So I just signed the forms and asked to leave.

So this afternoon I finally have my first appointment at the O Clinic. However, I believe it may be a little late as I think I'm going to have problems. The past 2 days I feel anything I eat just sit inside for a couple hours. I'm feeling a pouch. Damn! And whose fault is it? Who do I blame? I don't know...

It's actually sad that my original clinic in Melbourne could not provide me with sufficient information. I think the bariatrics in Oz need a better networking, because I have noticed in forums that there are quite a few people who relocate or even travel!

Ok ok, I'm just ranting, but seriously, I need to get better. I did lose an extra few kilos this week and a half, but it doesn't make me happy as I know it wasn't a healthy loss.. .and they will come back once the band is opened.

Another thing, since last night I have been feeling pain in my port area. I just hope there has been no serious damage. :(

Scared...

Where I'm at... and everything else... UPDATE!

It has been such a long time since I've updated my blog! I only have a small number of followers, but even if it was 1 person following, I should keep doing regular posts. :( Sowwy... However, I have been updating my ticker every month. Religiously!

I am currently down to 85 kg. I actually get down to about 84.5 kg, but I prefer to think I'm 85kg, because I weigh myself every single day! It's an obsession, and so my actual weight does not 'settle in' for about a week. :)

I am so very happy... grateful... ecstatic... I mean really, words cannot explain what I feel. Cliche, yes, but true!

I am now a comfy size 14 and actually some stores now I wear a size 12 (even with stuff that don't have stretch). I never ever remember wearing sizes 12-14 in my entire life. The only size I remember wearing is a size 16 at age 10-12. So you can only imagine...

However, I am having problems... 2 problems actually...

1- My reflux just continues... When it gives me a lot of pain and trouble I do go and get some fill taken out, however having fill taken out means a weight gain of about 2-3 kgs, and that I cannot handle. :( So in 2 weeks time I would go and get my fill back in. I am only at 5.3 mls now. I had gone up to 6.4 mls in the past, but due to reflux, the maximum I can have to be safe is 5.3 mls. It's fine, I'm still losing weight thank God! So I have learnt to deal, accept and live with my reflux... I try to manage it so it's at a minimum...

2- I still am unable to accept my new size/body... It's weird... I look in the mirror and I can see a lot of changes... I do have excess skin, but my tummy isn't as bad as some I have seen. My arms are horrible (the worst in my body... they were also my biggest body part), I'm fitting into sizes I never have even as a child... But I still feel fat.. absolutely, very very fat... I am told I now look standard... average... People I have known for years are seriously unable to recognise me even though it has only been 4-6 months since I last saw them!

I walk into a store and I pick up sizes 16-18 to try on, but yeah, I'm swimming in them... Then I try one smaller... then another smaller... until I get the correct size. I bought a size 14D bra... cos I couldn't find size 16C (I've gone down from a 26D to a C cup). So I come home with a 14D (I really wanted it, so I thought it being a D cup would make up for the bra not being a size 16 LOL dumb, I know), I try it on thinking I may need a bra extension at the back BUTTTTT it's too big, and I wear it at the 3rd (tightest) notch. Hmpf!

I think I need to see a psychologist soon. :( I really do not know where to stop. I know I need to slow down now. It's been 18 months... actually I'm in my 19th month since surgery... 1.5 years and I have lost 63kg now... So down from 148.5kg to 85.5 kg (I swear, photos coming very soon!)... I've been told approx 8-10 kg of me is now excess skin --- I wont be getting rid of them too soon, too expensive and I can't even afford it if it were cheap either!

Pfffff yeah I need some help! I'm really really wanting to get down to 79kg at the moment. I'm saying I will really slow it down once I get there, but I know me... I wont be able to stop myself. :( I think the fact that the weight dropping off quicker in the last 8 months is the reason why I have not been able to adapt as well as I should...

Hearing all the compliments is great, but it feels a little weird after a certain time too... and I probably think that if I stop losing the weight I will stop hearing the compliments... what happens then? wow I really am going koo koo and this post is now too long. :) I wonder if anyone else has been experiencing similar things?

hmmm I actually have 3 problems, so here is no. 3:

3- I'm relocating from Melbourne to Sydney next weekend. I have called Dr. Craig Taylor's rooms at the O Clinic. It is going to be damn difficult for me. :( I've heard great things about the clinic and Dr Taylor, but the fees are so high. :((( I had the surgery with private health insurance and of course through the Centre for Bariatric Surgery. All my follow-ups, adjustments were bulk billed. So nothing came out of my pocket. I just don't know how I am going to manage up in Sydney, especially with my reflux problems. :(

So that's about it from me for now. I shall be posting progress photos in the next couple days, so stay tuned for those. :)

OMG I did it!!!

Ok ok slow down. I havent yet reached my goal goal weight :) Still a while for that, but I am finally under 100kg... finally! double digits!!! I've been sooooo over the moon about my weight for the last couple weeks. I dont remember being under 100kg for almost 20 years. I'm turning 33 in May, so yeah since my early teens.

I've been buying size 14 jeans - but I have to admit they have stretch in them :) otherwise they wont fit, but who cares! I used to force myself into size 24 jeans just 15 months ago. :))))))

However, I have to note that my constant weight-size change has made me go crazy. ı was always a shopaholic but because I couldn't fit into much or even if I did fit, clothing didn't look good, so I would never really go home broke. Now!!! OMG please someone stop me! I definitely have a problem.

Other than that it's all great. :)

I have taken a photo of me on te scales but I cant add it right now because I'm on my iphone. I will add later during the day :))

Current weight: 97.3 kg :))))
Starting weight: 148.6 kgs

OMG, so sorry about the sockettes (it was freezing) and my legs. I would have edited the photo if I realised earlier but too bad heheh I'm adding the photo months after I promised I would add it, but yeah here's proof :)))