UPDATE: Below Goal Weight and Maintaining

Wow! I had not realised that I have not been updating for such a long time. It has literally been a year and 1 week since my last post. Well, I can tell you that a looooot has changed since then. I don't even know if anybody is following/reading anymore?

Anyways, let me get to it...

I am currently in Eastern Turkey, up on a mountain so high that sometimes I think my lungs are gonna pop. :) I am here on a 12 month contract to provide linguistic support to US soldiers that are here on a mission. Currently been on the job for over 3 months, but it has been over 5 months since I got here. 

The last year has been awful with band slippage, not being able to find a proper knowledgable doc in Turkey, etc etc... Currently I have no fill, had to have it all removed after being severely blocked, not being able to get any fluids down even. Have been very ill on and off due to continuing deficiencies. However, with the amount of sunlight exposure and a Vitamin D injection, I think I am doing well in that area as I no longer have sore bones. Thank God! However, my blood count and iron level continue to be low...

But, I am not complaining. I am currently a few kgs below goal weight. My goal weight has been to get down to 75kg (from 148kg), and now I weight something like 72kgs. My ideal weight is around 65kg, but I am not fussing, I have reached goal, and my surgeon had told me not to expect to get below 100kg. :)

The only thing I desperately want but cannot get due to financial circumstances is to have my excess skin removed. Unfortunately, it makes me feel like crap. When I see photos of myself standing up, I think I look pretty decent, otherwise I feel sluggish with folds of meat everywhere... especially when photographed in photos while I am sitting down, the excess skin clutters, and makes me look as bad as I feel about myself. Maybe one day... one day I will have enough cash to have that crap removed to feel and look like a normal human being. However, when I go shopping and dress up, I do feel great, I cannot complain about that! I love being treated like the human being I deserve to be treated... It really makes me sad to notice that I actually was treated slightly different in public as an overweight woman. I get a lot of attention from males, and a whole heap of compliments too. Does it feel good? Sure does! But it pisses me off too! Big time!

Anyways... Once I get back to Australia, I need to have enough cash to have my lapband surgery reversed and to get the sleeve. I mean, yes, I have no fill right now, and I have been maintaining my weight, but still, I know that if I ever fall pregnant (I hope to one day), I will get back to my old ways, and I need the assistance that WLS provides. Argh, the cost of all this does not make me happy, and does not make it easy, but one has got to do what one has got to do...

WLS is not easy, but if you stick to it and be patient, it really pays off.

Here are some of my latest photos... for inspiration...

A facial close up from last week

T

This is from yesterday, so it is my most recent photo

A side shot from yesterday... just see my older posts for a comparison...

This is about a month old, and taken at my work place and home. I live on a mountain in Eastern Turkey... a very different experience... a adventure and a journey I appreciate...

This was also from last week

And this one is about a month old...

So I am 1.64m tall, and weigh approx. 72 kg at present... My bottom half I am not so upset with, but my back and arms have heaps and heaps of fat, excess skin that bothers me... but I should be grateful... and I am... but I am also a woman, and I complain :P

To all of you out there who are struggling to lose weight and/or maintain their weight loss, I wish you all the best, I know that it is very very difficult... not only physically but also emotionally...

Being FAT is Comfortable

Seriously!

When I was bigger... at the weight (148.7kg) I first began my weightloss journey, life was just a tad more comfortable and easier...

If I couldn't get a job, I'd blame the fat!

If I couldn't get into a course I wanted, I'd blame the fat! (Like, seriously?!!)

If somebody didn't like me, I'd blame the fat!

If I was depressed and felt the world crumble around me, I'd blame the fat!

If people looked at me, I'd blame the fat!

Life is easier when fat:

You get special attention (good or bad LOL) because you are 'different'.

You stand out in a crowd.

People NEVER forget you, because you are the 'fat one'.

People feel sorry for you, because you can't get your butt around as easily and as swiftly as they can.

You are usually known by name at food stores and take aways you frequent - they even know what you are going to order.

You are even the conversation topic of people who feel sorry for you -- they discuss what should be done or said to convince you to lose weight (while you are not there).

You don't need to watch your weight :P Naughty, I know, but you are overweight anyway, so another kilo or two wont hurt, and no one will notice (bull! ppl notice when you gain 2kg, but not when you lose it. grrr)

...and the list goes on and on. I'm sure you too can add many more to this.

BUT NOW!??

Just recently I have noticed that I blend in with the crowd. I am no longer the 'fat girl' (although it's going to take some more time and a lot of mind work to accept and adjust to this).

I am ordinary! I am like everybody else. Hmmm, now I know why people do different things with their hair or clothing, because for people to notice you, you either need to be exceptionally/naturally attractive, unattractive, obese... if you are neither of these, you just do something totally random to your appearance to help you stand out of the crowd.

So I'm ordinary...

I think have gotten so used to the attention, that it feels awkward. :) Yes, in a weird way...

When I lie on my back in bed now... and put my hands over my stomach, seriously, it feels ewww and weird, because my ribcage now sticks out and my stomach is hollow (only when I lie on my back LOL). This was a feeling I had been yearning to experience all my life. Now that it has happened, it feels like I'm touching somebody elses body.

Oh I usually sleep on my right side, but now that is a 'struggle' on its own. When I do this, the bones in my arm and shoulder hurt from touching the hard bed, and when my knee caps are on top of each other, that also hurts too. (This is actually not a complaint, I smile very brightly every night when I feel all this)

I don't mean to say losing weight is bad. NO WAY! I am very happy with the weightloss and actually... I am more overwhelmed as 70kg off one's body is not something you see/hear everyday. I just feel like it's no longer my body.

I used to lack self-confidence, but the fat was always there to save me from my failures. I feel lost... sort of like a fish out of the sea...

I think moving to a new state and all the struggles I'm experiencing here are influencing my emotions too, but in all honesty, I now see that I hid behind my fat all my life. Now is time to 'come out of the closet' and embrace the changes. :)

Very very very tight!

The past week and a half has been dreadful.

I am not happy at all with my move to Sydney. It has just been too difficult: financially and emotionally.

All I want at the moment is to get out of here... but I know I can't, so I have to come to terms with all this.

The past week and a half my band has been extremely tight. Just like that! I haven't had any fills or anything. Just woke up one morning and couldn't even get water down. Anything I put in my mouth, I had to bring up myself, otherwise the pain in my chest and back wouldn't go away and I couldn't breathe.

Moving states means changing doctors for adjustments and consultations.

So I had all my files and reports faxed tot he O Clinic... Up until now, I would see my doctor once every fortnight if I had problems... and when I had no problems I would just go every 5-6 weeks. I was bulk billed and never paid anything since my surgery.

However, now I am going to pay $250 per appointment, and I will be getting just under $100 back from Medicare. I don't know if any other doctor does bulk billing, but I so need it at the moment! I have actually heard a lot of wonderful things about Dr. Craig Taylor (O Clinic), but when you can't afford it, you just can't afford it!

So last week I was in excruciating pain and couldn't breathe properly. I called the clinic and the doctor was not available and of course there was a fee... but the thing is, I had no money at all other than the $20-$30 I could use to put petrol in the car to drive up there (no job, no centrelink, had to wait for hubby's salary to come in the next week).

They suggested I go to St George Hospital Emergency... I was told they had bariatrics there and they could do the adjustment. I waited in pain and tears for hubby to come home from work. Went to the hospital. Waited for hours (naturally! emergency! ironic). Then all they did was give me a drip because I must have lost a lot of nutrients etc and asked me to wait till morning and maybe a surgeon might come along after their surgeries. The other doctors just did not know what to do. All they did was attempt to take blood samples from me, but they couldn't get any out. I told them I was anemic, and they kept on trying to get out whatever tiny amount of blood I had left. LOL

OMG! I lay there freezing (I'm anemic so I just can't warm up easily, and with no food in my system, it was impossible). Then I had a drunken man in the next bed who kept on coming over me and staring at me. He was constantly shouting and swearing. Igh! It was horrible. So I just signed the forms and asked to leave.

So this afternoon I finally have my first appointment at the O Clinic. However, I believe it may be a little late as I think I'm going to have problems. The past 2 days I feel anything I eat just sit inside for a couple hours. I'm feeling a pouch. Damn! And whose fault is it? Who do I blame? I don't know...

It's actually sad that my original clinic in Melbourne could not provide me with sufficient information. I think the bariatrics in Oz need a better networking, because I have noticed in forums that there are quite a few people who relocate or even travel!

Ok ok, I'm just ranting, but seriously, I need to get better. I did lose an extra few kilos this week and a half, but it doesn't make me happy as I know it wasn't a healthy loss.. .and they will come back once the band is opened.

Another thing, since last night I have been feeling pain in my port area. I just hope there has been no serious damage. :(

Scared...

Photo Update - Me, Recently

Finally did the move to Sydney. Well, all furniture still in storage in Melbourne, but I need to find a house first (HELP!), then a job (double HELP!), and not gain any weight during the process (YELP!).

The weather wasn't too bad in Sydney on Sunday (I know, Melbourne has been sunny sunny sunnyyyyy since the day I left - it must be me or something???), so I asked hubby to take me to the city. I hadn't seen the Opera House and wanted to see it, so yeah.. destination was obvious :)

My husband took quite a few photos of me, and I thought some are quite good as progress photos, so here are a couple:

I am just around the 84kg mark in these photos. I can't give an exact figure as I haven't been weighing myself in almost a week (shock to the max!)

Recognition and taking offence ???

So I know a lot of people in my local area. I mean quite a lot! So much so that when I visit the local shopping centre I feel like a friggen celebrity! It takes me longer to get into the centre than out (because I see people whom I know and who want to say hi by the time I walk in).

Anyhow, I've been sort of hibernating the past few months. What with packing and the loads of translation projects forcing me to stay home except to run the little errands I must... So the past few days I've been frequenting the centre for final stuff for the road trip (relocation from Melbourne to Sydney). However this time it's different! I have been seeing people whom I know and who would normally grab me for a chat on foot just look the other way when they see me or just grease me off.

Hmmm... When the same thing happened today I decided to grab that person and ask what's goin' on!

It seems that people have not been ignoring me, they just have not been able to recognise me! (GASP!!!) They have not been greasing me off, they have just been staring a little extra to figure out where they know me from! (AAAAAAAYYYY AYYYY YAAAYYY)

So, I don't know if I should feel offended (come on, I know these people, some for many years, and I haven't changed THAT much) or if I should be over the moon.

I think I'm sort of over the moon about it, but it all seems so weird. I still see me exactly the same in the mirror. My face hasn't changed much... just the puffs in my cheeks have flattned down a little compared to over a year ago.

Anybody else experience that? :) How weird. I still can't get over it. LOL

Have a great weekend peeps... while I take off on my road trip to a totally new land... I seriously feel like an 'import' (well... foreign) bride. LOL Like seriously!

Wish me all the best :)

xx

Gee

The best of compliments...

I personally believe that the best of compliments for a woman are those that come from her partner.

Having said that, I should also mention that my husband is a bit of a cow. If I wanted to be a little more polite, Id' say he was blunt, but nope... he's a cow. Look, he's an awesome fella, I love him to bits, but that just doesn't change the fact.... that he's a cow. :)

Yes, it's true, not everybody who saw me noticed the weightloss until I reached the 30kg loss mark. However, I still had many many people who knew me compliment and note that I have been losing the weight. But this just wasn't enough.

So when I saw hubby I'd tell him about the compliments I received and he would just make no comment at all. Since he is so quiet and everything about it, I would go into my wardrobe of old clothing which I previously couldn't fit into and try them on. Anything that fits, I would jump out in front of him and say "ta daaaaa! look honey, I haven't been able to fit into this for like 5-6 years." (Yes, I guess I've always had hope that I may one day fit into those old clothes that I kept them for so long).

So after my performance my husband sort of feels obliged to make a comment, so he's like "oh... good.. good..."

Of course me being quite pissed right now, as I have been fishing for a compliment for about an hour, I ask, "Can't you notice any change? Can't you see the weight loss? I've lost almost 30kg and you are still not commenting? Encouraging? Are all those people who see the change lying to me? Why don't you ever say anything?"

My husband, the COW blurts out: "Well, TECHNICALLY you are still overweight."

ARGHHH. For a man who has been so supportive with my surgery, my eating etc, this was just inacceptable. Was it unacceptable or inacceptable? Oops! Well, you know what I mean. :)

Before going any further I should note that my husband definitely loves some meat on his woman. He has never ever hurt me due to my weight, and I was huge when he wanted to marry me (and I rejected him like 100 times). He's more the personality type of guy, as long as his woman has a good heart, looks are not important. So there are no problems in that area, but despite all the compliments I receive(d) from everybody else, it was his kind words that I needed to hear.

I guess this meant that I had to wait until I was closer to looking more of a standard size...

Now that I am 60 plus kgs lighter than I started 19 months ago... Now that I am a size 14, while I used to be a size 26 bursting the seams when I started... My husband turned around and said: "You are looking so hot! I find myself thinking about you all the time."

I have been receiving compliments left and right. But this compliment... My husband's words beat any other compliment that I ever received. I finally feel beautiful... :)

Probably our only 'romantic' looking photo... an old but sweet shot :)

This photo was taken during our trip to Turkey mid last year (2010). I was 18-20kg lighter post-op. So I weighed approximately 128kg. I sort of look slimmer, because by now I have learnt to pose in a way that hides a few of my 'extra' kgs. :)

Hmmm... But still! He is a bit of a cow, yeah?  :)))

xx
Gee

Achievements: Trains, Plains, and Belts...

I love travelling. I especially love flying...

However, being a large... hmm extra large... okay okay, being a 6XL person all of my adult life (I was like an XL-2XL during my childhood and teens) has not made this passion easy on me.

Every time I hop on the plane, that dreaded moment comes when the 'fasten seat belts' pops up. Ding dong! Then the hostess comes to check if everyone has their belts on... So as soon as he/she comes to me (they know it aint gonna fit me), they sort of look with suspicion in their eyes, but I blurt out "belt extension please" before they can say anything.

Most of the time the people sitting next to me lift an eyebrow... because I'm guessing they've never seen this before? Hmmm... Amazes me, because the world population is growing fast (in weight), so they must have come across it... Then I think, I'm always travelling to and through countries like Turkey, China, Malaysia, Singapore, where the majority of the population consists of mini people.

Anyways, back to the point!

It was just a couple months ago. I was flying up to Sydney to see my hubby. Now I know domestic flight seats are ALWAYS tinier than the tiny inetrnational flights. Don't even get me started on the belt size! :/

So I walk down the isle to my seat. I put up my luggage then pop into my seat...

I don't notice it at first, but I feel comfortable. Hmm... That's strange!

For the first time in my life, I notice room on both sides of my thighs in a flight seat! The armrest is (yes! for the first time!) not lifted by my thigh. I could never fit properly, so my thigh would always push the armrest up.

Normally I would sit a little sideways so my huge tuckshop arms do not give any discomfort to the person sitting next to me. However this time I'm sitting straight and my shoulders are well within my own seat. No overflow into the next seats!

By now I have a HUGE smile across my face. So much so that the guy sitting next to me was like 'wtf?' Must have thought I was looney. Ahhhh if only he knew...

Then that dreaded ding dong bell was heard to fasten seat belts. Hmmm... Yes!!!!! It clicked with no extension required... for the first time in my entire adult life! And you know what? I had to tighten it like 15-20cm. I even have proof (see attached photo).

Oh yes, after that I definitely had to try the meal tray which is never flat as it sort of lays on a slope on my tummy... Obviously that too was fine.. I had room between my thighs and the meal tray, room between my tummy and the meal tray (even when I pulled it all the way out).

I snapped a quick shot of my belt, I don't know if the guy next to me noticed, but I couldn't care less. How could I not document such a memorable moment?

The entire flight (which was only like an hour and a half) I was on cloud nine. I can't wait to hop on the plane again now.

Actually, this time I have to go on rides (e.g. show, luna park, etc) and bungee jumping!